Separation
by willyoumhairime
Summary: Avery is Tobias' half sister, she has lived in Dauntless with her boyfriend, Lucas, for the better part of three years. What happens when they turn 16 and it is their time to choose?
1. Chapter 1

**A/N: I'm back! This is a follow up story to the Fanfic, Life in Dauntless and in turn, Alternate Ending to Allegiant. You do not need to read either to get this story but it helps with a little bit of the understand. I hope you all enjoy and I will hopefully post regularly.**

 **Thank you for the support and all rights go to Veronica Roth.**

 **Chapter 1**

 _We sit beside each other on the edge of the building, the wind whistling around us. I lean into him and just enjoy the silence that we always find ourselves in. It's comfortable for me and I enjoy it all the time, we've often called each other if we aren't allowed out and we don't even need to speak it's just enough that we are with each other._

 _Lucas laces his fingers with mine and brushes a strand of hair away from my face. "Sorry that I don't do anything more romantic." He murmurs to me and kisses me lightly._

 _"This is better than any dinner date or something like that Lucas."_

 _"Anyway, I felt bad, so.." He produces a box and places it in my hands and I open it to reveal a simple ring that has an emerald in it, my birth stone._

 _"Lucas.."_

 _"It's a promise ring."_ Promise _. I gasp and feel the tears start so I wrap myself around him._

 _"I love you."_

 _"I love you more."_

 _"Not even possible." I whisper to him before kissing him._

"Avy," A voice whispers and the pressure of lips on my jaw line is what I wake up to. "It's time to get up." The kisses travel across my jaw and I'm flipped over. I open my eyes and Lucas' dark green eyes stare into mine. I grin at him and am about to say good morning when he catches my lips with his again. When we finally break apart I giggle and say,

"That was the best birthday present ever." Lucas laughs and his eyes travel downwards, looking over my naked body.

"You're the best thing that's ever happened to me, Avy." He sighs and closes his eyes briefly. I turned 16 yesterday and we decided to celebrate appropriately, since Shauna and Zeke were out of Dauntless for the evening. Lucas and I have been going out for three years now, I still remember the year of just being friends, the stolen glances and the tingles whenever I came into contact with his skin. Last night brought that all back to me, my whole body on fire and my breath catches when I remember.

Lucas' eyes open again and his eyes travel to the clock behind me, he groans and jumps up. I thought I would be uncomfortable when I exposed myself to Lucas for the first time but I just feel confident, every time he looks at me there is lust sparking in his eyes and it makes me feel alive. When I look at him now, he's got the build of a dauntless, the large arms and the defined abs, he's around 6ft now which is still quite big compared to my 5ft 8.

"Are you nervous?" My voice catches as I ask him, the subject of today has been touchy for him and he's been blunt with his answers.

"Why would I be, just choosing a faction, no big deal." He shrugs but I see something in his eyes. I toy with the promise ring on my finger, the one that hasn't left me for one second over the past three years and obviously Lucas picks up the movement. "I promise to love you forever," He kisses the ring and then my forehead before turning and getting ready.

I grab my clothes and throw them on, having to get back home to get ready myself. When I get in, Kira's already at my feet, my half-brother and his wife's baby.

"Hiya, darling." I lift her up and she giggles. It's then Toby comes in and smiles warmly at me.

"Good night with Wren?" He calls out while he wanders through to the kitchen.

"Yeah, typical girl's night." I lie easily, Toby would get so angry if he knew that I was even at Lucas', let alone knew what we were doing.

"I'm hungry." Three year old Kira moans at me and I set her down for her to go find her Dad. I'm about to turn into my bedroom when Tris emerges from the hallway.

"How was Lucas'?" She smiles at me and I gasp and make a cutting signal to my throat.

"Don't say that so loudly," She just holds her hands up and eyes me suspiciously. In that instance I know that she knows what happened with me and Lucas and all she does is trap me in a hug.

"You're all grown up, feels like yesterday Tobias was bringing you home at the age of 12." She sighs and ruffles with my hair. "You know what you're choosing, don't you?" It's been obvious what I've always wanted since I joined Dauntless. I remember Evelyn telling me stories of my Dauntless prodigy of a brother and since then I've wanted to be in this faction and nothing would stop me. Since Tris is the leader of Dauntless as well it would look good if her sister in law kept in the faction but it doesn't influence me much. "Just remember we are capable of conforming to another faction." Tris used to be quite reluctant to hug or even be too close to people but the Dauntless have changed her to be a caring mother, wife and leader who is comfortable with themselves. "You choose what your heart tells you, don't listen to Tobias he is just scared to lose you." He's been overly nice, not that he isn't normally nice, but he's been keen to keep training me and reminding me about the difficulties of Dauntless training.

I decided to head for the shower first and I dry out my long black hair, before applying the winged eyeliner that brings out my grey eyes. I look like Tobias, some people can't believe we are only half siblings because of the huge similarities. I then dig around my drawers and decide on casual today, pulling on my running leggings, hoodie and my black Nike's with the glow in the dark symbol that Tris got me for my birthday.

I'm not nervous the whole way over, running and screaming with the stream of Dauntless as always as we fill up the train compartments. Laughing and joking and Lucas stealing kisses whenever he can, his hands being drawn to my body as mine are to his. We get laughed at and shoved by our friends but I feel a bigger connection to him, never wanting him more than an inch away from me. We make it to the faction choosing ceremony, the 6 podiums standing tall. Abnegation, Amity, Candor, Dauntless, Erudite and Unity. Unity was formed after the war, a faction for anyone who didn't want to be defined by a personality and lead a more "normal" life, that is found out-with Chicago.

I hug Tobias and Tris, and kiss Kira on the forehead before saying I'll see them soon and making my way over to where Lucas says goodbye to Shauna and Zeke. They took Lucas in when we both returned from an experiment, Lucas' parents had disappeared and Tris couldn't handle having two kids at once. They took him in as one of his own and Chase, their son, has been loved the same and not a bit more. Shauna's holding back tears and Zeke is shaking his hand.

"I love you," Lucas chokes and I pause and take a few steps back. This isn't like my goodbye with my parents. This is a goodbye that will last. Shauna hugs him and then he steps away, instantly he looks for me and I pretend to just be walking over. Any grief he had on his face is wiped and he smiles at me with love. I smile back and try wipe the image I just had but it's difficult. We make our way over to the group of 16 year olds, all nervous and excited to choose the faction for the rest of their lives, unless they transfer out to Unity. I hear Jack Kang call the place to order and asking the group to line up and Lucas bends down and whispers I love you and kisses me hard before turning. It's not enough though I grab his hand and wrench him back to hug him again. Breathing in the scent that I accompany with him.

I remember the first time I did this when I knew Lucas was going to leave me.

 _I look at Lucas who has so many emotions coming across his face. I realise that this is the real him, when we were in the Bureau those few weeks he was always outside but I never thought much about it because I was with my half-brother. I was so involved with catching up with Tobias I never really turned around and saw Lucas. Now, I certainly do. I feel happy when watching him but with it comes sadness. It's only going to be 3 years till Lucas and I choose our Faction, 3 years till he gets to choose to be outside and 3 years till he chooses between the sky and me._

 _Lucas must notice me staring because he turns and smiles at me. He opens up his arms and I gratefully step into him. When I breath in, the smells I now accompany with him make me feel safe. Lemon and talcum powder because that's his body gel and being in the Pedrad house has made the smell cling to him._

Lucas and I were kept underground for so long and the transition from that and getting to run around outside at the bureau was amazing for him. When we went to Dauntless, we snuck out when exploring and its then that I realised that it had been too scarring for him to ever feel at place in Dauntless.

Jack Kang clears his throat and I finally let go off him and look at him one last time, he brushes a tear away from my cheek and mouths promise, I turn and go to my place and he turns to go to his. The initiates go past in a blur, Abnegation, Amity, Candor, Dauntless, Erudite, Unity, transfers, non-transfers, it's only his name that brings me back to life.

"Lucas Pedrad." He walks tall to the centre, his light brown hair flops slightly over his dark green eyes. His pale skin contrasting against the black of his tight t-shirt. I know how it feels to run my hands over his body and how it feels to press my lips to his. I know his smell and I know what he likes and I know what annoys him. I know how hard he trains and I know the look he gets when he thinks the walls are going to collapse on him. I know him. I stop the sob from escaping me and slap my hand to my mouth. I know how he comforts me when I'm upset and I know the way he looks at me like I'm the only girl in the world. He takes the knife with a nod and slices the knife across his skin. There's a moment, I know it's brief but it feels like it last forever, when he turns and looks at me. He mouths that word again, _promise._ The tears stream down my cheeks as I see his water mix with the water and I gasp as he walks to the Erudite.

I can't breathe. I can't go with him. I could never be one of them and maybe that's why he chose them, because he knew I had no choice but to stay with the faction I belong in and not to try follow him.

"Avery Prior." I'm numb as I walk up. I cut the knife too deep into my hand but I can't find it within myself to care. Three years of being with him and the one night where I felt the most connected I ever have with a person, it crashes down around me. I gulp, the horrible feeling in my throat when you know you're going to start to cry, break down and scream like a wild animal. I look at him and I shake as the blood sizzles against the coals. I make my way to the Dauntless, past Shauna who is like me, trying to contain her emotion and Zeke who stares passively forwards. They lost a son. I lost the person who I was supposed to spend forever with. _Promise._ I pass Tris and Tobias, who both look so worried and I join the initiates. Some clap me on the back and I hear Wren shoving her way to stand with me. My best girl friend. She could never be my best friend. Not compared to Lucas.

The Dauntless at the end of the ceremony run out. I pause and I connect with those green eyes. I let myself have one last bit of emotion. Then I turn. I run.


	2. Chapter 2

**A/N: Sorry about the long wait, I've had a lot of personal stuff going on. I'm glad you guys liked the first chapter and I hope I can start to update more regularly.**

 **Chapter 2**

"Avy," I groan and stretch upwards, keeping my eyes closed. "Avy it's time for the ceremony."

"Huh?" I question, finally opening an eye up to look at Lucas.

"It's time for the ceremony." I fully open my eyes now and I look around the room that I'm in. We are in the choosing hall and Jack Kang is saying Lucas' name over and over. "Let's choose." I'm taken with Lucas, he's holding my hand and dragging me forwards. The floor is sticky against my bare feet and I'm aware of the amount of people that I'm standing in front of with my pyjama shorts and vest top.

"Lucas," I mutter and try grab tighter to his hand but he's got a knife now in his hand.

"It's time." He slices deep into his hand, blood pouring out of the cut and I try to scream at him not to but my voice is cut off. Instead I try to reach for him but my feet are now _stuck_ to the floor, I don't remember it being that sticky. He holds his hand over the bowl of water but the blood has frozen. I shake my head and he shakes his head. "I've never really loved you, Avy. It's time for you to get over it." The blood drips and the bowl of water turns a deep shade of red.

I try to speak again but I'm forced to be silent again. He comes towards me and cuts deep into my hand.

"Make the choice, Avy." He wrenches me forward and then I'm falling towards the hot coals, it's then I find my voice.

 _"You promised."_

I wake up, sweating and my heart pounding. The deep breathing of the initiates surrounding me. I take a glance at the clock in the dorm and I read the time of 04:23. I rub my hands across my face and pull my hair tightly back into a bun. There's no going to sleep now, especially since we were going to wake up at six so I decide to go get a shower before all the girls start to clog up the shower space. I'm so glad that the dorms have been separated into genders now, Tris enforcing that since she understands how uncomfortable it was especially as an abnegation transfer.

After my shower, I pull on my running shorts and I pull on a top of Lucas' that I took from my room. I breathe into the shirt deeply and the smell of Lucas is so strong that I have to hold back a cry. It's still early and breakfast won't be out yet so I head to the training room.

I've spent so many hours in here, training with Lucas either in a fight or creating competitions on who can throw the knives fastest or who can complete a set number of laps. A corner in the room is where Lucas threw up the first time because he pushed too far. Another corner where he hit the bag so hard it went flying off. Another corner where he screamed at me. We had our fights. We were not perfect. He was gripping the knife so tightly in his hand and his eyes were screwed up. I stand facing that spot. I remember myself as well there, I was so weak. I kept crying while he screamed and I begged him not too. He threw the knife and it stuck dead centre into the target and he brushed past me. I collapsed.

I collapse. The middle of the room is isolated from the training space when there are no mats. It's a mass space of concrete and it is surrounded by the cluster of punching bags and targets but it feels so solitude. It has memories though. It has him coming back and wrapping himself around me with my back pressed against his chest. It has him whispering in my ear that he's so sorry.

Now it's cold. The concrete is freezing against my bare legs and my tears have dried against my cheeks. It's finished now. I have to be a new person, one that doesn't miss him and doesn't get reminded of him every second of every day.

I stand and make my way to the punching bags, hanging one up. I punch. My knuckles are raw and I don't know how long I've been doing it but I can't stop it.

"Avy?" I hear Toby's voice and I collapse once again. He must notice the blood streaking the bag because he runs over. "Avy what have you done?" I burst out crying again. I can't help it there's something missing from me and he chose to leave. Toby just cradles me, I can tell he's angry. He let Lucas be with me and trusted him and this is how he decided to repay him. Toby _saved_ him a while back. Toby saved me too. Lucas saved me. "It will get better soon, I promise." He exhales and I hear the training instructor that Toby trains the initiates with, Jay, come in.

"Can't believe I have to work with your sorry-" He must see me or Toby is glaring at him because he falls silent. "She can take the day off." He mutters and I aggressively push away Tobias and make my way over to the first aid box.

"I'll be fine." I spit and Tobias protests.

"It's punching today and you've done enough."

"I will not be favoured." I growl and rip a packet open. I slap the cotton wool bandage across my knuckles and wind the tape quickly around. "It's the first day I'm not missing it." Jay has started to clean off the punching bag and Tobias takes a tentative step towards me.

"Avy.."

"NO!" I scream out and Tobias stops but Jay methodically unwinds chains and puts the bags up. "They will not know that I am related to you-" He cuts me short.

"Avy we look near identical, give it a break." It's true that we do, the same hooked nose and the jaw line.

"You won't train me." I see guilt cross his eyes. "You will carry on training transfers and I will be trained with the Dauntless borns without you." He glances down and away from me. "I will be strong and I will get through this, I will not let a _stupid_ boy get in my way." He looks up at me at 'stupid' and that's maybe because there's a break in my voice. "I was self-sufficient in the years that Evelyn looked after me, Four. She had a revolution to take care of let alone a child and I can look after myself." Evelyn, my mother who I left behind for this life. I followed my half brother and left her alone. She did what she could do as a mother but I was unexpected and she grieved over giving up Tobias for so long. "I'm capable for what training has to give me and that's what we've been building up to over these past years so leave me." I've finished taping my hands and I slap the first aid box in the cupboard and pace out of the room, it's too hot and I feel Tobias' eyes on me.

I make my way over to breakfast, managing to compose myself on the way over and I catch eyes with Wren. She's saved a seat for me and even got me my favourite, pancakes with whipped cream and strawberries. That's what a best friend is for, someone who doesn't leave and knows you inside out. I grin at her and make my way towards her, I sit down and am instantly included into the conversation.

Lucas and I never used to get along with the other kids our age, we found them too stuck up, full of themselves. They started to get interested in us though, in our work ethic and our bond to each other. They started to befriend us and that's how I met Wren, in the same classes and tending to find each other at parties. Lucas found his own friends too but he never got too close. He knew he would have to leave eventually.

"Hey, Avery we were thinking of getting tattoos later, want to join." I nod and the group cheer. I wouldn't have called Lucas and myself popular but we were loved by people. They loved the duo and we always had good games and good spots. We found the way to the top of the Hancock building so that we could continue zip-lining, due to the rebuilding of the building for the Unity faction they closed it off. The group were shocked when the duo split, and they stayed away from me yesterday and let me go curl up on my bed. I'm not surprised that they're happy I'm not completely gone and I'm still up for hanging out with them.

The day goes by almost methodically for me. I punch and kick with my knuckles in searing pain and I don't see Toby for the rest of training. As promised, the gang after getting changed and cleaned up make their way over to the tattoo parlour.

"I'm going to get the dauntless flames on my face!" Felix screams out, jumping in front of the group while we all groan at him. Felix is a very loud character, always the centre of attention and always making up awful ideas, like this one. Lucas never liked him.

Unfortunately, Felix doesn't choose the dauntless flames to go on his face but instead across his heart. The girls and guys crowd around designs fighting for who gets the coolest while I stay at a distance and evaluate my decisions. I always thought my first tattoo would be for my family but I feel like I need something for Lucas, to finally show that he's gone and he's a part of my life that needs to leave.

A design of a bird catches my eye and my creative mind gets going. I eventually go find a tattoo artist and describe what I want. I choose my right shoulder behind me where I won't see it but I can remember it. Once I'm finished the group gather round and show off all their tattoos. They all eventually turn to me and I turn and ask one of the girls to remove the bandage, seeing as I'm wearing a vest top it's easy. The group sigh when they see the tattoo and tell me it's beautiful.

I got a dandelion, that has it's leaves floating into birds that fly away. The dandelion counts the time that me and Lucas had together and the birds resemble his need to be out in the open. I get them to cover the bandage up and then I move away from the tattoo parlour and away from the memory of Lucas.


	3. Chapter 3

**A/N: I have no proper excuse for the amount of time this has taken to be published and all I can do is apologise for the long wait. I've, as I said, been dealing with a lot of personal things recently but I feel like if I plan ahead I can really be focused on this story because I really love it and how it is coming along.**

 **Thank you for staying with me, I love you all and I hope you enjoy this chapter. Apologies again.**

 **All rights to Veronica Roth.**

 **Chapter 3**

Training goes well. We fight and I excel at it, the years of training me and Toby had together have benefited me, we are going into the second stage soon and I'm waiting patiently, ready for whatever Dauntless wants to throw at me. I've been hanging out with Felix lately, in groups and on our own. When he's not in a group he can be quite calm and is quite nice to talk to. Tobias has reluctantly let him come into the house but Tris is keeping her distance from him which I find strange, she's usually quite welcoming.

Today we finish stage one and I walk into the training room to stop short when I see the names on the board. Avery versus Felix. We turn to each other and he looks put off but I'm ready for a fight. I've been expecting it seeing as we are both top of the class, with equal points after winning every fight, today will determine the winner.

"I don't want to fight her, Zeke." Felix protests and Zeke glances over at me. He knows me well and he knows how I used to fight Lucas without hesitation. When I'm in the training room I'm a Dauntless member, training to be the best, I have no relationships.

I make my way to the centre of the room, I can still hear Felix protesting and I turn to see Zeke shaking his head at him. I stretch a little, cracking my knuckles and my neck. Felix reluctantly turns and faces me across the room, I put my hands up and he sighs as he does the same.

"Let's get this over with." He says to me with a nod. I growl and ground myself. I never go first. Felix doesn't either and also doesn't want to so he shuffles around me. The class is silent and when Zeke's voice screams out I have to admit it, I jump a bit. Felix then lunges, a punch directed to my gut which I pretend to leave exposed but I sidestep out the way before kicking with my right leg at his head, which he leaves vulnerable. Felix is quite quick but not quick enough for me to graze his cheek and leaving a red angry mark. He tries for my midsection again, lunging at it and as he's about to reach me I drop down in between his legs and grab one so that he collapses sideways. I scrabble to get on top of him and my fist connects with his face the same time he roughly squeezes my side and causes my left side to spasm and I drop to the floor next to him.

I jump up without using my hands and back away quickly, a flow of blood is coming out of his nose and he growls as he wipes it away. He readies himself again and throws a punch to my head, I duck but don't realise his next intention when he brings his foot down on my knee and my leg buckles. I hit the floor hard and he is on top of me quick, hitting my face. I'm starting to lose consciousness but I wasn't trained for this long for a clumsy mistake to be the reason I lose.

Felix isn't holding me down right, so I feel triumphant as I bring my knee up and connect with his groin. He screams out and collapses down and I take my chance to get up and deliver the final kick, to his head. He's knocked out cold and I see Toby in the door before I black out.

I wake up to my nose throbbing and my knee aching. I groan as the bright lights hit me and I see Toby jump up from beside me.

"Avy, you're awake thank god." He breathes a sigh of relief and squeezes my hand tightly. He looks worried and as if he hasn't slept.

"How long was I out?"

"A day." I gasp and try sit up but his hands are immediately on my shoulders and pushing me down.

"I need to go to trai-"

"It was off for a day, Avy. You've finished top of stage 1, just rest okay?" I sigh and relax into the bed, which is difficult because the dauntless beds are hard and unforgiving for the weak.

"How's Felix?" Tobias growls and crosses his arms over his chest causing my hand to go cold.

"He's fine, he was out for about an hour."

"Why was I out for so long?"

"You haven't had enough sleep, that's why Avy." Tobias then looks to me and I'm shocked by the vulnerability in them. "You never told me, are you having nightmares?" I close my eyes and breathe deep. The couple of hours I get every night haven't done me a lot of great but it makes me more determined to win and beat my class. The nightmares of Lucas are with me every night.

"No, I haven't had any." I whisper, averting my eyes from his.

"Avy, I don't need Christina to come tell me your lying for me to know." I huff and turn to him.

"Yes, I've had nightmares ok? I can't stop them," I choke on my words and growl with frustration, "Talking about it makes it worse, so leave. Please."

"I'll tell the doctor you're awake," he grumbles and leaves. I breathe out and close my eyes, I hear the door open again and I'm shocked when I see a bruised Felix in front of me instead of a doctor.

"Some congratulations are in order I guess," Felix grins half-heartedly at me and I shake my head at him, a smile creeping onto my face. "I was so worried about you Avery." He comes to my side and takes a hold of the hand that Toby let go off. "How are you feeling?" His genuine concern for me is warming and I smile genuinely at him.

"I'm feeling better. The sleep did me well." He reaches a hand up to brush the hair from my face and he lightly skims at the bruise along my cheekbone that he delivered.

"I'm sorry for-"

"Hey, don't be sorry for losing." He fakes shock and jokes around, making me cheer up. He stays with me as the doctor checks me over and asks routine questions. I'm eventually let out and I go to dinner with Felix carrying me and the group cheers and say I've been risen from the dead. Turns out a lot of the transfers beat the dauntless borns because they're all joking around and teasing each other. I feel proud to be at the top, I was trained by the best of course. This group has meant a lot for me over the past 3 weeks. I'm starting to feel a bit drained again by the time it comes 8, so I get up and bid everyone goodbye and despite me protesting, Felix walks me home because Tobias refused to let me sleep in the dorms tonight. When we get to the door he leans up against it and looks me deep in the eyes.

"Are you doing alright, Avery?"

"Yeah, I'm fine I feel a bit woozy but -"

"I mean with everything that's..." He ducks his head down and scuffles his feet, "With.. _him_ leaving and all." He glances up at me and I freeze slightly. No one tries to mention Lucas to me anymore, they know that I can't deal with it well. I breathe deeply though and force a smile.

"I'm fine, I didn't really ever care." He grins at me and then suddenly leans towards me. His lips press to mine and I don't try to stop him. His hands move to my waist and my brain stops and I get lost in it. He's not that different from Lucas, he's tall and muscular. My arms move up his arms and wrap into his air. Just like I did with Lucas. He's so masculine and just, what I've been missing this whole time. It's wrong, completely, but I can't help myself. I eventually pull away, before my heart beats too fast and say a quiet goodbye before opening the door and sliding in. I'm about to head straight into my room, missing the comfort of it when I see Tris curled up on the couch. I haven't seen her in so long and tears start to well up, she glances up and upon seeing me jumps up and gives me a tight hug.

"I've missed you around here, kid." And that's all it takes. I cry and I break down for the first time for the three weeks since Lucas left. Tris doesn't even question it she just leads me to sit down and holds me, slowly rocking me.

"He's not Lucas," I manage to choke out and she just replies with an 'I know'. I eventually calm down but I don't feel like talking so I just collapse into my bed.

"It's going to ruin her," Tobias voice creeps in between the walls.

"You can't stop her and you know that, just leave her to do this. She is strong." Tris' determined voice makes me smile a bit. I reluctantly roll out of bed and grab the few clothes that I have still in my room and pull them on. A lace crop top and skater skirt will have to do. I don't want to disturb Toby and Tris' conversation just yet especially since it's seeming to be interesting.

"She will have even more nightmares if she does this!"

"What do you want her to do, Tobias? Drop out?"

"She could go to..." There's a sigh and I hear Tobias groan. "I don't want her too obviously, I've always wanted her to be here with me and I wanted to train her. She was going to be a Dauntless prodigy but after stage two I just don't know."

"If she has the same genes as you, she will be strong enough." I hear them move towards each other and I know they're having one of their moments. I leave them and gather my thoughts. Stage two sounds like there's a lot of mental challenges. As long as I banish Lucas from my mind I can get through this. I take a deep breath and move through into the kitchen with a smile. I of course didn't get enough sleep but I won't tell them both about that.

"Sleep well?" Toby's voice softens after his argument with Tris.

"Best in a while." I smile. Kira's jumping in her seat for me so I go across and cuddle her. "Have you missed me, little one?" I smile at her and she's buzzing with energy upon seeing me.

"She's been wondering where you have been for ages now." Tris takes her tiny hand in one of her fingers and then looks to me. "Are you really alright?"

"Fine," I smile bigger than before to try prove my point but Tris shakes her head, letting me know that I'm a terrible liar.

"Get ready for training," She lifts Kira from my arms and I busy myself with eating and pulling on a pair of combat boots. Toby and me walk across to the training rooms and I immediately distance myself from him when we are in, stage one I did on my own and got to the top so I can manage to do it again in stage two. I yelp when a pair of arms wrap around my waist and a kiss is placed on my jaw line.

"Sleep well?" I hear Felix's voice and I breathe out.

"Yeah, did you?" He nods and grins at me, kissing my cheek. I've never been good with being affectionate in front of people so I turn my head to shout over to Wren who notices my discomfort and tells Felix she needs me all to herself.

"When did that happen?" She asks me, I can hear a tone of hurt in her voice that I didn't tell her.

"It was last night, he kissed me."

"What about-"

"I'm with Felix now." I say, not wanting to hear his name in fear of breaking down again. She nods in understanding and wraps an arm round my shoulder so I can lean into her.

We are soon being led to a room that is always locked, I know this from adventures round the compound. The chain that's locked around the doors is opened and we are all led into a room with around 10 chairs all facing each other and another door in the opposite wall.

"We will call you through soon." Tobias, with his instructor voice, announces and walks through the door with Zeke in tow. Everyone rushes to get a seat and I find myself being dragged onto Felix's lap. He has his arms wrapped around my waist and I'm forced to put an arm round his neck to feel comfortable but this is very different from me. I can see a few heated looks from the girls in the group, I'll admit that Felix is very attractive and I can imagine a lot of people wanted him to take an interest in them instead of me.

"Everyone's jealous," He whispers in my ear and I jump slightly.

"I know, I think a few girls had their eye on you."

"Not me, you Avery. You have no idea what effect you have on people." I glance up and I see a few boys pretending they weren't just looking at me, I feel my face heat up and look away again. "I'm lucky to have got you as Lucas left. We were all jealous that you two had a history and he managed to get your first. I get you now," I've tensed up at his name and I'm feeling very pressured so I'm so glad that Tobias comes through the door and sees me sitting on his lap.

"Avery." He growls and I see the fear in Felix's eyes as his arms let go of me quickly, everyone's scared of Tobias being my brother. I jump up and try my hardest not to run away from people staring at me and as soon as the doors closed I thankfully sink into the seat there, that looks very similar to the one that I sat in for my aptitude test. I had got Dauntless, it was a bit disappointing that I wasn't like Tobias and Tris. "You're going to be put in a simulation, it focuses in on your fears and you have to try overcome them by calming down or facing them head on. It's easier for Divergent to do this so we will take into account the time difference." Tobias sounds like Four right now and just as he is about to inject me he sighs and faces me, looking more like my Toby. "Be brave, Avery. I love you." He injects me and I can see he is holding back tears. This must be bad for Tobias to get like this and I'm about to protest but I can feel my body getting heavy and I find that I sink into the seats.

I have to face whatever this is.


	4. Chapter 4

**Chapter 4**

I blink my eyes open, it feels like I've been sleeping for a long time. I look around and try figure out where I am. I am in a blue room and as I glance around I see that I am in the Erudite building. It's been fixed up from the war and I see that this is one of the new buildings that Toby brought me to see but why am I here? The bed's covers are all over the place and I'm wearing Dauntless clothes.

I get up, still unsure of why I am here and start to wander round the place and it's then I hear the front door open and close. I walk through and there stands Lucas. His brown hair flops over his dark green eyes. He looks exactly how he did the day he left me. How am I with him now? He looks over at me and frowns.

"Lucas?" My voice is broken and I try walk forwards but just fall to the floor.

"Avery? What are you doing here?" He doesn't make a move towards me and I try sit up but the floor is holding me down.

"I don't know, I just woke up here..." I frown. What's happening. It's then I realise that there's no furniture in the room and I glance around confused.

"This is my home, you can't just come back to me." He is scowling at me and he crosses his arms over his chest, muscles flexed.

"You left me though." I'm angry at his words and I find that I can finally sit up.

"Oh, Avery. You didn't follow me, so you left me." I scowl at him and now stand up, right in his face.

"You left me and the people who loved you so -"

"But I found people who can love me here." A girl comes in. She has blonde hair and bright blue eyes, she is tanned and looks gorgeous. She comes up to Lucas and he wraps an arm round her waist and kisses her. _Kisses her._ I choke on the air around me and take a few steps back. Of course he would find someone better than me, my black hair and grey eyes are plain, I'm boyish compared to her long thin legs and her graceful arms. The girl eventually detangles herself from Lucas and he comes towards me. "You see, Avery. I was living such a crap life in Dauntless. Here I can investigate and I can finally see the sky." I frown at the choice of words. _He can see the sky..._ It was something I would think to myself if we were down in the Dauntless compound cooped up for too long and we finally went on adventure outside. I don't think I ever told him though did I?

"What do you mean?" The words come in gasps, my whole brain is ringing off in alarms and I still don't understand why I'm here and why I have to go through with this.

"I can see the sky, Avery." He sounds frustrated which is off for Lucas. I try take a step towards him but the landscape suddenly shifts and I'm at the top of the Dauntless compound next to the train tracks. I fall down in confusion and look ahead of me. I look across to see Lucas but he's three years younger. My brain is trying to sort through information but its' not working, his head is tipped to the sky and he looks free. My heart breaks when I realise where I am.

I don't know how I know that I am dreaming but this is where me and Lucas went exploring. I know that he will see me staring at him and that he will know that I am grieving him leaving me before it even happens. _He turns and smiles at me. He opens up his arms and I gratefully step into him._ He smells the same, lemon and talcum powder and that's when it's confirmed for me, I know that Lucas will look at me in that way, the way that makes my body feel full of electricity _._

 _"We better go back," Lucas murmurs against my head and I nod but we stay there, just holding each other. I feel Lucas pull back and he's looking directly at me. He starts to lean down towards me and it's then I hear a familiar voice._ At this point I'm supposed to say that Tobias is coming and we better hide. Instead I turn his face towards mine and kiss him, slowly, savouring the moment.

Then I take a step back and sob through the words, "I'm afraid of losing you. I already have though." Then I fall off the building.

I jerk upwards and my breathing is all over the place. I'm panicking. Tobias comes over and holds me close.

"I'm sorry, Avy, I'm so sorry." He looks confused though and I push him roughly off me.

"What is it," I'm trying to stop the heavy breathing but I'm still shaking from being close to Lucas again, to smell him and feel him again.

"No one who isn't Divergent has done that before." He turns and double checks my timing. "It took you three minutes when it should have taken at least 10." He shakes his head at me and breathes out. "Avy, I want to help-"

"I'm fine." I shake myself off and stand. "He's gone and I can get past the fear." I feel a tear slip from my eye and I brush it away. "It's time to move on." I state and leave the room. I am not angry but I'm peaceful with what has just happened. It's time to become Dauntless.

The fears become normal. I find that I have a fear of the dark, a fear of drowning, a fear of my family dying, fears that I didn't know existed have come alive in me. Everyone is broken and is silent as we sit and eat together now. We all have a lot to think about it. I get through my fears quickly and easily, I will be near the top of the rankings seeing as there is only around five Divergent here. It's been three weeks into the fear simulations and I have gotten faster at dealing with my fears, it's a new training schedule they have done to better prepare us for our fear landscapes which are happening today. Just a practice, I tell myself. Tomorrow is the real thing.

I'm sitting and eating a muffin when I feel my stomach churning. I realise that I'm going to throw up and I jump up suddenly, scaring my friends around me and sprint to the nearest toilet. I'm just in a stall when I start throwing up and not far behind me is Wren holding back my hair. She calmly rubs my back and whispers to me comfortably. Luckily there isn't a lot to throw up so I'm done pretty soon and I stand up so Wren lets me out.

I wash my mouth out with water and Wren hands me a piece of chewing gum from the packet she always seems to have carrying around.

"Never knew you as the type to get worried sick." Wren states and crosses her arms, squinting at me.

"I'm not worried that's the thing," I whisper, confused. There's no bug being going round Dauntless so I have no idea why I threw up. "Maybe it is just nerves, I've found out a lot about myself over these past few weeks," I roll my eyes and she nods, understanding me well. "Let's just go straight to the fear landscape room," I mutter and I'm thankful for Wren continuing just to talk to me and not expecting a reply back. We make it and Tobias gives me a small smile before continuing setting up. The rest of initiates get here and Felix's arms wrap round me, which I've come accustomed to and don't get a fright.

"You feeling okay?" He questions. My blood boils that he sat and finished his breakfast, not even caring about my quick escape from the dining hall. He didn't care at all.

"Just fine," I smile and hide my anger from him well. He begins to kiss my neck and still begins to do this when Tobias is starting to talk.

"Today you will practice one fear from your landscape, we won't be able to choose which fear you go through but you should be able to face it from the practice in the simulations you have been doing." Tobias is looking at as all but as soon as he notices what Felix is doing he can't stop glaring. The rest of the group notice but Felix is intent on kissing my whole neck. My face is hot with embarrassment but I'm feeling too queasy to talk or to try push him off of me. "First up will be Felix, his first fear will be me." Tobias growls and before I know it he's pushed through to us and has taken Felix up by the scruff of his t-shirt. Tobias' power scares me but I'm too shocked to try tell him not to do anything rash. He throws him down on the ground and I see Felix' face lit up in fear. "You will not touch my little sister like that and especially not in front of me." His muscles are taught and his hands are clenched and just as he pulls his arm back he sees my hopeless face and stops. He growls again and picks Felix up before throwing him in the fear landscape room, we see in the cameras that he throws the needle at Felix, probably not trusting himself to inject him without killing him.

I shiver at the thought and as Tobias comes back out the room and sets up the fear landscape I go and sit beside him, not caring if people think this might be favouritism. I pick up headphones and look at the screen, wanting to know what Felix is really scared of.

It starts off with a mirror behind him. Felix glances around and turns 180 to see the mirror and he takes a tentative step forward. He looks at his reflection but it isn't him, it's Lucas. I watch the reflection, not Felix right now, Lucas draws all my attention. At first Felix looks angry in Lucas' face, he must hate to see him, but then his emotions change to love when he someone enters the room. Me? I look closely and see that it looks like me but in Felix's eyes I am gorgeous. I am glowing in his eyes and he forgets about the mirror, content to watch me. Simulation me walks up to Felix and wrap my arms around him, kissing him sweetly and I see Tobias clench his fists again next to me so I put and arm on his muscle. He sighs and I take his hand and hold his thumb, like I did when I was younger and we stay like that as we watch.

I then break from Felix and look at the mirror. My face lights up in happiness and I smile into the mirror that holds me and Lucas. I wrap myself around Felix but I am transfixed by the mirror and the image of Lucas, just like I am in real life.

Felix is scared that I'm with him only because he is a male figure that represents Lucas.

He has a right to be scared.

I'm not sure how he overcomes this but I don't want to know. I take the headphones off and lean myself against Tobias. It's as the fear continues that Tobias starts to tense again and I look up to see Felix screaming at me and forcing himself onto me. Tobias leaps up, he is done with watching this and he doesn't even switch the fear off he just goes through and smacks Felix right across the face to knock him out cold.

"Someone take him to the infirmary," Tobias is so angry right now, his chest is expanding massively and his muscles are taut. His face is stone cold and his voice is so low and threatening that I'm not surprised that people only follow through his command as soon as he steps away from Felix's limp body.

"He didn't-"

"You aren't seeing him anymore." Tobias states, arms crossed over his chest. "I allowed it for some time, I could see you weren't happy with him but I didn't know he would try force you-"

"He hasn't-"

"He could though. It's not beyond his capabilities." I can't argue with him. If that was his solution in a fear landscape then what would be his solution in real life.

"It's time for me to go through my fear now." I state and he gets a needle. I slowly inject it where he tells me to and push down on the plunger.

"Be brave," He mutters and stalks out, still alive with rage. I feel myself letting go of the real world and then enter my fear landscape.


End file.
